I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks in prayer for my friends. I am so thankful and fortunate to have such a good, strong, group of friends that I do life with. We celebrate the ups and downs, encourage each other, celebrate milestones and laugh… a lot! I couldn’t be more thankful for the friendships I have made over the past few years.

But… that being said, I have spent a substantial amount of time grieving the loss of friendships that faded away. Some faded away because they NEEDED to. Some faded away because life took us in different directions. Some disintegrated before my very eyes without knowing why. The “death” of a Friendship is never easy. There will always be the photos, the memories, and those dang “TimeHop” memories that pop up. They hurt. Grieving the loss of a friendship is so painful yet sometimes it needs to happen.

I am fervently praying over my life these days. (More about that later) I am praying not only over my family but also over my friends lives. I have friends who are in a dark pit right now and those who are walking a scary road. I have friends who are on a mountain top right now and I am praying that they can soak in every ounce of Joy from our Savior during this time.

In spending time in prayer I have prayed that I could be a better friend. Sometimes I feel like I got this. Sometimes my eyes are open to the needs of my friends. During moments like these my mind is open and aware of even small things I could do or buy for a friend. I am so thankful for times like these! But let’s face it- there are times when I am so selfish. I have my own “stuff” going on and I forget to be a good friend to those who need it because I am busy living inside my own little world. Oh Father- forgive me for when I do that!!

There are a million and one ways to be a terrific friend, but sadly there are just as many ways to be a terrible or “fake” friend. Because I feel like most of us are aware of how to be “good”, i’m listing the top 7 ways to be a fake friend. {I’m guilty of all of those…not proud, but it’s a fact}

  1. Forget to keep in touch. I understand that when you have a lot going on it’s easy to forget–but don’t! Make yourself a note. Send a group text. Post a funny pic on their FB wall. Something! Anything to let your friends know you haven’t forgotten about them.
  2. Avoid compliments. If you are in your own world it’s easy to forget things like “good job” “cute shirt” “love those shoes”. Saying things like that will more than likely help YOU feel better but think about what that could mean to the other person?
  3. Only call them when you need something. Nothing hurts worse than seeing your phone ring and it being a really good friend of yours only when you answer it’s all business… “I need help with this” “What would you do about this” “Can you help me…” Not a hello? Not a how you doing? Not an “I miss you” Come on…
  4. Act offended when they hang out with other people. Well of COURSE your friend is hanging out with someone else? What did you think was going to happen while you were being weird, distant, rude, evasive, and MIA?
  5. Downplay the good stuff they got going. If you want to ensure that you are a sucky friend you should most definitely leave the cheerleading outfit at home. Don’t cheer them on! Don’t acknowledge the excitement in their life. After all, YOU are the most important…right?
  6. Don’t pray for them. So life sucks for you right now, huh? Then you should most definitely wallow in self pity and forget to ask our Heavenly Father to bless our friends!
  7. Keep it to yourself. Life is tough right now and you just want to be alone and you don’t want to encourage anyone…then for sure don’t fill your friends in on what is going on with you. It would be a shame to have support, encouragement and prayers now wouldn’t it?

I think you get the point. We have all been there when it was hard to be kind, encouraging, supportive, and prayerful towards our friends. But I can tell you this– it’s worth it! I’ve learned a tough lesson over the years about friendship. I’ve learned that some people cannot be pleased. You can be an amazing friend and it won’t be enough. You can be a fair weather friend and maintain a long friendship full of surface conversations and that can be enough. You can be the type of friend that goes above and beyond and it’s never noticed. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of all of those types of friendships.

WE WEREN’T MEANT TO DO LIFE ALONE!!!!!! Don’t be the reason that YOU are doing life alone. Look at this list… like I said earlier, I am guilty of ALL of these at times. No one is perfect. But as a general rule, how many of these do you find yourself on a regular basis? Is it hard to congratulate

But I ask you this… at the end of it all do you want to be remembered for being THAT friend?

Another Ramble,

Cara Roxanne

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