I write this with big tears running down my cheeks. (Brb- gotta get that under control!!)
Okay I’m better. So Ava and I are both sick and being lazy upstairs watching tv. She decided to play a game on her iPad so I flipped on live tv (oh the horror– commercials!!!) and Americas Got Talent is on. Why not?
I see a girl who has obviously been burned walk out and begin to tell her story of surviving a plan crash, losing her best friend in the crash, her painful story of 100 surgeries and finding her strength in music. She survived a crash along with one other person while everyone else lost their life in a fire.
I hate the month of June. June 1st is when I remember the events (from my perspective) of the day I found out my best friend had been in a plane crash and was in the burn unit at Children’s Hospital. June 10th reminds me of the day her parents had us (me and her other close friends) come to the hospital while the doctor explained everything that was going on with her and this allowed us to pray for her more specifically as we drew strength from each other. June 13th reminds me of when her oldest sister came to stay with me for the week so she could help out with VBS and get away from the hospital for a while. That same day reminds me of she and I checking out at Walmart and the cashier loudly saying “wasn’t that you that was in that crash” causing people to stare and us to leave. (Flipping small town) June 16th reminds me of the day that Rachel passed away. I’m reminded of knowing things had gone from bad to worse and the look on my dads face as he opened my bedroom door. I begged him not to say the words as the tears began to fall. June 19th reminds me of her funeral and the moment at the cemetery when her mom began singing “I have Decided to Follow Jesus” as she sat in her wheel chair from injuries sustained during the crash. And every day after that reminds me of trying to do life without my friend.
I can’t help but spend this month thinking why. Why did God allow this to happen? Why to her family? Why to my friend? I’m sure God gets tired of me asking why, but I’ve promised Him that when we meet- I will drop it.
For years I struggled with whether or not it was ok to ask WHY to the Father and Author of the world. It took me a long time to grasp the fact that it is ok. I probably shouldn’t do it, but I’m human and heck– I DO wonder why God took my friend. I wonder what she would be like if she were still here. I wonder what would life would be like if that pilot had just heeded the warnings and turned the plane around. I wonder how I would be different as a person who hadn’t endured such pain at an impressionable age. How different (and better) I might be if Rachel were still here.
This I know for sure… God is all knowing, all powerful and can see the Big picture. So when I find myself asking WHY I remind myself of that fact. And my prayer is often this: Father I don’t understand but I will keep trying to. And while I try let me ask just ONE more time… why?
Give God your WHY’S. He can take it. He’s been taking mine for 18 years.
Thanks for reading,