I REALLY do love a new year!

That fresh start. The clean slate. The unknown. The wonder. I LOVE it.

2017

Every year my husband resolves not to make resolutions. {Party pooper.} I sit down every year and truly ponder and dream of what I want to see different in the new year. I NEVER resolve to lose weight but I ALWAYS resolve to be healthier. I resolve to be nice to the new people that show up at the gym from January 1st-17th and then I don’t have to see them anymore because they gave up. I resolve to pray more and be nicer. But i’ve had some things stirring in me this year that I want to share with you. Maybe for accountability? Or maybe because you need to hear it too…

  1. This year i’m done chasing people! I love people. Hello-i’m a therapist! All I do is listen to people!!!!!! I ENJOY being a listener and hearing what people have to say. I enjoy getting to know people and entertaining people in our home. I LOVE making new friends and making fun memories with others. But this year- I am putting my tennis shoes down. I do NOT have the energy to chase people that don’t chase me back. I will be kind, nice, and i’m here if you need me–but I cannot do it anymore. It’s exhausting and painful to always be chasing others! You want to hang out with me or see me? I bet you know how to find me. Sounds harsh, right? I have re-written this paragraph 4 times and even took a 2 hour break. I don’t want to sound mean but I can’t find any other words. I was talking to my friend/mentor a few weeks ago. I called her in tears and rambled on for 30 minutes about how hurt I was over feeling this pressure to get friends together and to be the “planner” of every group of friends I have. She let me vent and then said “so why don’t you just stop it?” Why hadn’t I thought of that? It is OK to need a break and 2018 is going to be MY  year to sit back and STOP CHASING! Sometimes I feel like I chase people (that makes me sound like a stalker) because I believe all humans crave relationships. We crave that person to talk to or that couple to hang out with! I strongly believe that is a God-given design of His people. But I am going to learn {and it probably won’t be easy} how to just sit still and STOP chasing. I’ve been hurt too many times by “friends” and people that I thought were there for me only to find out they weren’t. I hope by the close of 2018 I know who my real friends are AND I hope I feel rested from refusing to CHASE!

2. Enjoy the quiet. I’m a go-er. I like to go, do, see, explore- hence the reason I go to bed so early! I get crap from friends for how early I go to bed but when i’m awake it is ON! I’d rather be going then sitting idle. To an extent that’s a pretty awesome [if I do say so myself] trait, but on the other hand it can lead to exhaustion and burn-out. *Hence my #1 for this year* I have been prayerfully seeking wisdom in this area because I DO consider myself a content person in so many ways. But then when I spend the time to dissect behaviors/habits of mine I realize that the world probably doesn’t view me that way. Sure-it really doesn’t matter what other people think, but I strive to be consistent (you may recall from a previous post that is my FAVORITE word) in action/word/mindset, and part of being content is being okay with the quiet. The still. I take for granted that we CAN go and do and part of me is dreading this next year due to the fact that we won’t be going as much {stupid Dave Ramsey}… I intend to use this time as a way to be shaped into a better version of myself.

3. No more comparisons! I STRUGGLE on a daily basis with comparison. I am a confident woman but that does not come without insecurities. In fact, in a lot of ways it comes with more! I am always so concerned that I came across TOO confident, or God forbid, arrogant. But I DO compare myself! I see powerful in the women in the world making a huge difference and then I see myself. What did I do today? Sure I helped a kid calm down and stop throwing chairs but how did that better the world? I am CONSTANTLY comparing what others can do!! And of course there are the natural female comparisons of her someone having better hair, a nicer car, better job… but those I can deal with for the most part. For me it’s seeing woman all over the world making a difference and me sitting here wanting so desperately to do something amazing but falling short every time… mostly out of fear of trying. In 2018, no more comparisons for me. Well, at least that’s the plan.

4. No more sitting back and waiting for change. I am the worlds worst at saying “I know how to solve that if they would have thought to ask me.” (Referring to political decisions, mainly.) I was talking to my Dad over our family Christmas in Nashville this past weekend. I was expressing my fears/concerns about changes happening in our State regarding healthcare and other such issues. After I said my say about my thoughts and frustrations my Dad said “Have you thought about writing a letter to your Congressman or Senator?” Well…ummm…no. I haven’t. We continued talking and did some research on WHO I would contact. Why hadn’t I thought about that? Why am I sitting around shaking my head and not doing anything about it? I may not add any cracks to the “glass ceiling” but I will for sure be making steps to promote good and honest change that is so desperately needed. No more sitting back and WAITING for change!

So what about you? What are you looking forward to in this new year?

Thanks for reading!

For Now,

Cara Roxanne

Advertisements