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Uninvited

Have you read this book? I’m all for anyone reading it BUT if you are a woman it’s A MUST! Download it on your kindle, get it for free from your library or send me your address and I’ll mail it to you. It is a MUST read.

Here’s the deal– I’ve spent my entire life living with that feeling of rejection. I always had my family who supported me no matter what but I often was rejected everywhere else. I assumed I would reach a magic point in my life when rejection either didn’t happen or I didn’t care. Well… I’m still waiting on that moment to arrive.

Rejection stings. Feeling “uninvited” or out of place. Or maybe you are like me and you simply struggle to find your niche. This feeling doesn’t have to overtake you! While I’ve always known that my Heavenly Father was there with/for me, I don’t think I ever meditated on the fact that HE was rejected. The feeling I have when I don’t fit in, or don’t get invited, or don’t feel like I belong… my Father felt that way. He is who I need to cling to.

I’ve always blamed it on me being a loud mouth. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean, facts are facts. I’m too much for some people. I’ve spent years taking my temper and my tongue but some will always leave me out because they remember how I’ve been or know how I can be. It hurts! Especially when I know I am NOT who I once was.

Being vocal and outspoken has its perks but has so many negatives. I can’t change who I am but I can continue to work to improve on myself. I want so desperately to NEVER reject others. That’s probably not very realistic but it’s my goal. I work hard to include even when others don’t do the same.

If you feel rejected or alone PLEASE read this book. And reach out. I’m here and I’ve been there. But above all… if you feel rejected seek the One who was rejected and despised and loved anyway. I’ll never be Jesus, but I sure want to be like him.

Thanks for reading!

For now,

Cara Roxanne

A friend loves at all times- Misty

It’s not 2018 yet but one of my goals is to show deep appreciation for my friends. I’ve learned this year how rare true friends are. Like I’ve known that-but this year my eyes were opened to the need for genuine people! I’m a people person for sure but I have reached a point where superficial friendships serve no purpose. True connection, honesty, and mutual respect are of the upmost importance to me. And I’m keeping up with that mindset I want to show appreciation for those who have enriched my life in such a major way.

Enter Misty. Mama Misty, as I call her. Not only is she an active participant at our church, but she’s an active participant in my life! She calls, texts, and shows a genuine concern for what is going on with my family. She allows me to vent, she prays for and with me, and is always a phone call away! Her heart longs to serve others and she does just that FAITHFULLY!

This year has been fantastic but that’s not to say there haven’t been ups and downs. She has showed compassion and grace and helped me to reciprocate that to others.

She makes me laugh- makes me smile- and reminds me there is still good in the world!

Thank you, Mama Misty for being YOU! You are so loved!

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”- Proverbs 27:17

Thanks for “sharpening” me, my friend!

Thanks for reading!

For now,

Cara Roxanne

Letter to my former BFF

Dear former “person”,

I think of you often… you must know that before you keep reading. I hear songs, see movies, or visit places we used to frequent and I think of you. And when I think of you, I smile. 

When you first “broke up with me” as your best friend I was hurt. Oh the hurt! It was so painful. I felt pain and confusion like I’ve never known. I questioned everything? What if I done this? What if I had said that? What did I do? Why is she doing this? The questions circled my brain for months. I dreamed about you. I’d wake up and think it wasn’t real… but it was. You had walked away from our friendship and left me broken and confused. 

The hurt faded and the anger hit. And when it hit- it was strong. I was enraged at times over the way you ended “us” without so much as an explaination. I became furious as I would picture times that I dropped everything to go be by your side when you needed me. I was so upset as I recalled times I had gotten you out of trouble with your parents by covering for you. I did these things out of LOVE… yet you just walked away. 

It’s been over 7 years since you called it quits on our friendship. Thankfully I’ve grown over these years. I’ve grown and matured and I no longer feel sadness or anger when I think about what you did to me. In all honesty?? I feel nothing. I look back on our 14 years of friendship and smile as I tell stories of our crazy adventures. I hear songs and smile and can picture me car dancing as you were mortified and hoped no one saw us! And then- when the moment passes- I feel nothing. You don’t hold a piece of my heart anymore… just a piece of my past. 

I miss you and I still care about you in that I want good things for you. I forgive you for the hurt and I thank you for the memories. I’ve missed out on your life and you’ve missed out on mine. It’s sad, really, that we ended up here. But I wouldn’t change anything. I’m better for knowing you and having had you in my life- even if it was just for a season. And I’m stronger for learning the tough lesson that sometimes friends just walk away. That’s what I’m doing now, former friend. I’m walking away. I’ve spent years mulling over in my mind how to reach out and what I would say. I’ve written you countless letters that I didn’t send. So this is it… the closure I’ve needed and the closure than I’m finally giving to myself. 

You were selfish as you left me at a time in my life when I couldn’t have needed you more… and I’m putting my self first now as I say… goodbye. 

Wish you all the best in life,

Cara Roxanne 

How to be a fake friend

I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks in prayer for my friends. I am so thankful and fortunate to have such a good, strong, group of friends that I do life with. We celebrate the ups and downs, encourage each other, celebrate milestones and laugh… a lot! I couldn’t be more thankful for the friendships I have made over the past few years.

But… that being said, I have spent a substantial amount of time grieving the loss of friendships that faded away. Some faded away because they NEEDED to. Some faded away because life took us in different directions. Some disintegrated before my very eyes without knowing why. The “death” of a Friendship is never easy. There will always be the photos, the memories, and those dang “TimeHop” memories that pop up. They hurt. Grieving the loss of a friendship is so painful yet sometimes it needs to happen.

I am fervently praying over my life these days. (More about that later) I am praying not only over my family but also over my friends lives. I have friends who are in a dark pit right now and those who are walking a scary road. I have friends who are on a mountain top right now and I am praying that they can soak in every ounce of Joy from our Savior during this time.

In spending time in prayer I have prayed that I could be a better friend. Sometimes I feel like I got this. Sometimes my eyes are open to the needs of my friends. During moments like these my mind is open and aware of even small things I could do or buy for a friend. I am so thankful for times like these! But let’s face it- there are times when I am so selfish. I have my own “stuff” going on and I forget to be a good friend to those who need it because I am busy living inside my own little world. Oh Father- forgive me for when I do that!!

There are a million and one ways to be a terrific friend, but sadly there are just as many ways to be a terrible or “fake” friend. Because I feel like most of us are aware of how to be “good”, i’m listing the top 7 ways to be a fake friend. {I’m guilty of all of those…not proud, but it’s a fact}

  1. Forget to keep in touch. I understand that when you have a lot going on it’s easy to forget–but don’t! Make yourself a note. Send a group text. Post a funny pic on their FB wall. Something! Anything to let your friends know you haven’t forgotten about them.
  2. Avoid compliments. If you are in your own world it’s easy to forget things like “good job” “cute shirt” “love those shoes”. Saying things like that will more than likely help YOU feel better but think about what that could mean to the other person?
  3. Only call them when you need something. Nothing hurts worse than seeing your phone ring and it being a really good friend of yours only when you answer it’s all business… “I need help with this” “What would you do about this” “Can you help me…” Not a hello? Not a how you doing? Not an “I miss you” Come on…
  4. Act offended when they hang out with other people. Well of COURSE your friend is hanging out with someone else? What did you think was going to happen while you were being weird, distant, rude, evasive, and MIA?
  5. Downplay the good stuff they got going. If you want to ensure that you are a sucky friend you should most definitely leave the cheerleading outfit at home. Don’t cheer them on! Don’t acknowledge the excitement in their life. After all, YOU are the most important…right?
  6. Don’t pray for them. So life sucks for you right now, huh? Then you should most definitely wallow in self pity and forget to ask our Heavenly Father to bless our friends!
  7. Keep it to yourself. Life is tough right now and you just want to be alone and you don’t want to encourage anyone…then for sure don’t fill your friends in on what is going on with you. It would be a shame to have support, encouragement and prayers now wouldn’t it?

I think you get the point. We have all been there when it was hard to be kind, encouraging, supportive, and prayerful towards our friends. But I can tell you this– it’s worth it! I’ve learned a tough lesson over the years about friendship. I’ve learned that some people cannot be pleased. You can be an amazing friend and it won’t be enough. You can be a fair weather friend and maintain a long friendship full of surface conversations and that can be enough. You can be the type of friend that goes above and beyond and it’s never noticed. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of all of those types of friendships.

WE WEREN’T MEANT TO DO LIFE ALONE!!!!!! Don’t be the reason that YOU are doing life alone. Look at this list… like I said earlier, I am guilty of ALL of these at times. No one is perfect. But as a general rule, how many of these do you find yourself on a regular basis? Is it hard to congratulate

But I ask you this… at the end of it all do you want to be remembered for being THAT friend?

Another Ramble,

Cara Roxanne

And so the journey begins…

The first step is always the hardest.

announcement

I wish I could tell you how this whole process began, but it happened so gradual and yet so sudden that I don’t even know how to explain it… but I will try.

Probably 2 years ago (I say probably because I have no concept of time) we began talking about adoption. We called and got papers sent to us from the state to look it over and talk about it. The papers came, we read through them, and they set on the counter for months. After a very candid conversation we decided it just wasn’t the time and it didn’t feel right. I have always thought it would be fun to adopt again yet I was completely content to have one child. After looking at these papers for months, I finally threw them out. It just wasn’t right.

Flash forward around a year (there I go again with my guessing) and a couple spoke at church about ways we could get involved with the children’s home here in Hot Springs. We grabbed the information at the end of service and looked it over. This was for having a child come to your home more or less like a “big brother” program. It would have been having the child come to cookouts and possibly spend a weekend in our home. We were both excited about it–yet we went no further.

But over the past 6 months or so, something began to change. We talked often about “when” and “if” we ever adopted a child. I pointed it out one time that my husband had said “when” and even he was shocked he had said those words. Something was churning and we weren’t sure what.

I have some Facebook friends who have recently adopted and one couple that is in the process of bringing their children home from the country they currently reside in. I have followed their story and shared each step with my husband. We have been excited to see their updates and follow their story. Why? I don’t know… I have adopted before so it’s not foreign to me but something just made me want to know more.

Sometime before Christmas (which means between November 1st and Christmas day because I put my tree up extremely too early), my husband walked in the room and said “Let’s do it. It feels right. I think we are supposed to do this.” I couldn’t have agreed more! So once again I got the papers sent to us only THIS time we filled out them out with excitement and mailed them back.

So far we have had the background check, finger prints and initial home visit completed. We are waiting to get signed up for our mandated classes. After those are completed there will be a final walk through the home and then we will be considered “open and waiting.”

Waiting. Here’s where prayer comes in. We are waiting as patiently as possible. (Which if you know me means… well, not so patiently) And what are we waiting for? WE HAVE NO IDEA!!! We have ZERO clue as to what our future looks like. We specified no age, race, or gender. So will I be welcoming a teeny tiny infant or a teenager? I can’t answer that. But God can. Sometimes I wish he could just shoot me a text with that info so that I could sleep more soundly!! But it doesn’t work that way.

This journey is going to teach us all SO much. Patience, faith and trust are at the top of my list for things I will continue to learn but HOPE is what I cling to.

One of my favorite hymns states “But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.” I cling to that. I don’t know what will happen. I wish I had more to tell you. I know that YOU want the details too! I don’t know what this journey will look like, but I know that He paved the road and he will walk us down it.

Pray for us. Pray for this child.

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Thank you for being a part of this journey,

Cara Roxanne

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