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presidential election

My “Thank You” to Hillary Rodham Clinton

It’s a long shot… but maybe somehow she CAN see this letter.

Madam Secretary,

Before I say anything, I owe you an apology. You probably wouldn’t remember, but I met you back in 1992. You and Chelsea came to the {then} Excelsior Hotel in Little Rock, AR. I was in 2nd grade and my choir had been asked to sing at an event you were attending. I’m sorry to say that I don’t know why exactly you were there. {Surely the fact that I was so young excuses me on this}. What I remember was my choir singing a few songs for you, one of which I had the solo in. When it was over, you were standing by the door greeting guests as they left. You bent down to greet some of my classmates and then looked at me. You walked over to me and said “And what a pretty voice you have, young lady.” I smiled as I observed you in a red suit with a black headband and a pony tail. <Here’s where the apology comes in> I looked at you and said “Thank you but my parents didn’t vote for your husband.”

*Face Palm*

You didn’t change anything about your face or your posture. You simply smiled and semi-laughed and said “Well that’s ok.”

I got in some trouble for that comment. My choir teacher over heard and when we made the trip back to Arkadelphia to be picked up by our parents, my teacher told my mom. She was so embarrassed and reminded me “You don’t have to say everything you know!”

I can’t say that we got into a political discussion on the way home, but I can say that you made quite the impression on me. I have many women in my life that I have always been able to look up to and admire, but in that brief moment, you made a lasting impact on me.

Flash forward many moons and here we are. I write this from my middle class home on my middle class couch while my husband and I stream from the CBS app to our tv the show “Madam Secretary.” I have heard you were part of the inspiration behind this show, by the way.  I sit here with a flood of emotions as I try to digest what has happened over the past year. If I feel this way, I can’t even begin to fathom how you feel.

Please know this: You fought hard and we couldn’t be more proud of you!

You listened when we talked. You heard our hearts. You cared about what the American people were saying. You kept your head held high when it would have been easier to just not show up. You inspired me through your courage to stand tall through many tough situations. You kept it classy when your opponent couldn’t even define that word. You represented ME and so many others like me.

You lit a fire in me that hasn’t gone out. You inspired me to get involved in my community in hopes of making a difference. You have given me a clear picture of what it means to “never give up.” You have helped me to see my worth as a woman and to hold myself to a different standard. It is because of YOU, Madam Secretary, that I, the person who has gone on record in saying the phrase “History is boring”, is now spending time doing something I should have done a LONG time ago- understand our country’s history. You have inspired me to do so many things I can’t even put into words. I feel like the fire you lit inside of me through your determination, your dignity and your poise, is something that may change the course of my life.

I was inspired when I read your book “Hard Choices” three years ago… and I have been inspired every single time I watched you on a debate or an interview. I cried happy tears when you spoke at the DNC last summer. My husband and I were on vacation in Mexico when you walked on stage to give your speech accepting the nomination. With the patio door open and the cool Puerto Vallarta breeze coming in, I sat on the edge of our bed and cried through smiles as you vivaciously accepted the nomination. Our friends laughed when got back home and I told them that watching YOU on tv was the best part of vacation.

I admire you for so many things, Secretary Clinton, but most of all I admire you for your heart. From debates on tv to watching you live in Little Rock two years ago at the Democratic Convention dinner, I become so inspired from hearing you speak. Please don’t stop speaking. Things ended poorly and I am beyond disappointed, but if I thought this has silenced you for good, I would be heartbroken.

Please get back out there! Your “God given talent” is to inspire, and you do it so well. You truly have inspired me to “Never stop believing that fighting for what’s right is worth it.” And I KNOW that what is right is for you to continue the good fight. Somehow, in some capacity, I beg of you please continue to fight.

And to you, Madam Secretary, I humbly say… thank you.

With much respect,

Cara Roxanne Matthews

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My letter to Donald Trump

Dear Mr. (almost) President,

I am writing you from the same place I sat on November 8th of 2016. The place where I sat in full faith that your opponent, Hillary Rodham Clinton, would be announced as the first female President elect. I have sat here in hope, in heartbreak, in rage, and now with determination.

You had quite the agenda when you began your race towards the White House. Because you crossed the finish line and won the prize, my agenda has become quite longer.

I did not vote you, as I am sure you have figured that out by now. I laughed at you [nearly] every step of the way. If I wasn’t laughing at you, I was disgusted by you. And insulted many times as well.

I am insulted by the way you spoke of women. [even if the words were from the past]

I am insulted by the way you spoke of minorities.

I am insulted by the way you mocked those with special needs.

I am insulted by the way you made a mockery of democracy, of our policies and procedures, and the way you handled yourself at the debate.

You insulted me many times over.

You do not stand for anything that I stand for. In fact, you are the complete opposite of a person I would want to know, hang around, or have any amount of respect for… yet somehow, you are my next President.

I {apparently} am a millennial. Not the type of millennial that you see on tv walking around rioting the outcome of the election, but a millennial nonetheless. I am so tired of the blanket statements that have been used to describe “us”. Guess what? I work, I am an educated person,I am currently in the process of earning my master’s degree,I take care of my family in the best way that I can without depending on a hand-out, and I do all of this while so passionately caring about the country I live and respecting the differences that we all hold.

I do not believe that you will do half of the things that you said you would while on the campaign trail. You have already recanted many of those things {abortion, health care, imprisoning HRC} and I suspect the list of “things” that got you elected will continue to disappear into thin air. I do not believe for one second that you thought you actually stood a chance of winning the Presidency… but here we are. You are now realizing that this job is “for real” and not a reality tv show, and we {the American people -those that voted for you and those who did not} are all watching as you wake up to the fact that you are our next President. I suspect you are in over your head and that you are now gravely aware of that fact. It doesn’t matter that I knew that all along…. what matters is that we are where we are.

I do not like you. Honestly- I don’t like anything about you. I think you are rude, crude, and I often refer to you as a pin-ball. You DO tend to bounce all over the place and change your stance and views based on where you are. This is not a game, unfortunately. You cannot turn the cameras off and go home. Here we are… Mr. (almost) President. Here we are.

It’s probably not nice that I say I don’t like you {Forgive me for being blunt} since I do not know you well. But, what I do know about you are the things that you have chosen to show the world. {I pray this is an act!} What you have chosen to show the American people (somehow) got you elected and that frightens me to my core. First impressions matter, Mr. Trump. Please remember that when you sit across the tables from leaders of countries from the around the world. Please think before you speak, breathe, count to 10 or whatever works for you to stay calm. I humbly ask you to listen to the advisers that know far more about policies and procedures that are in place than you could ever know. Seek out wise counsel. Find a mentor. And keep it cool. Please! If you speak to others the way you spoke to Hillary Clinton during the debates, then we are ALL in grave danger!

I don’t have a choice in the matter. The electoral college spoke and vetoed the majority of the American population. YOU are our next President. Please learn to be respectful, calm, and mindful of others. Keep in mind that we were not all born on a silver platter and drank out of a gold bottle. Some of us are just regular, middle-class, hard working individuals who love God, our families, and a good show on Netflix. We would like to continue enjoying life’s simple pleasures while resting assured that our Commander in Chief has America’s best interest at heart… no matter how deep and wide their pocketbooks are.

Do some research into Planned Parenthood and the good they provide to women all over America. Meet a Hispanic person who works hard, pays taxes, and is studying for their Citizenship test. Spend time with a group of strong, powerful, intelligent women who want to see women and minorities continue to fight adversity and become EQUALS. Visit rural communities across this nation and “get your hands dirty” while visiting individuals living in poverty and pain and have NOT been offered the same chances to advance that you were offered. And don’t visit that place by way of your private jet. Ride in a car. Feel the bumps in the road. See the poverty first hand. Spend some time learning how to be “regular.”

I will go. There’s nothing more to say, Mr. (Future) President. I wish you well. I will respect the position of POTUS as I believe it is a very admirable and respectable position to hold. I do not trust you, but I would love for you to change my mind. I fear your choices will cause anguish among so many people, but I pray you prove me wrong. Keep an open mind and try your hardest to see the “BIG PICTURE” if you would, please.

Heartbroken but hopeful,

Cara Roxanne Matthews

Pizza Party on Fridays…

“And if you vote for me, I will make sure we have a pizza party EVERY Friday in the teachers lounge.”

I was in 5th grade. I just freaking wanted to be student council president. I was all set to win. The odds were in my favor. And then- the candidate I ran against busted out the “pizza party on Fridays” line and he won. I was devastated. I remember telling my mom through tears “Don’t people realize he can’t do that??”

I DESPISE BLANKET STATEMENTS.

DISCLAIMER–**But, for the sake of my blog I am not going to qualify each thing I say. I am qualifying it now. {As I have done in previous posts} I understand that every Republican/Conservative in the world does not feel this way and does not like who our President Elect is. HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THAT. I will use blanket statements for the sake of this blog, and my posts, but I in no way think that everyone shares the same feelings as other members of their respective parties. **

You just voted for the pizza party.

And it ain’t going to happen.

  1. You think you finally have a President that “hears you”. With all sincerity I say to people that feel this way… “HUH?” I mean I get it. I always think people who have never lived my lifestyle, don’t know anything about middle class America, and don’t even know where my state is, MUST be the type of person to “hear me” when I talk. (Where’s the emoji with the eyes looking up in a sarcastic way when you need it?)
  2. “But he’s going to stand for what I stand for! He’s going to get rid of gay marriage and abortion!” WRONG. He doesn’t have that power and 2 days after he was elected he recanted doing anything about either of those. He’s not building a wall either.
  3. “He’s not taking a salary! I mean come on guys, that is so admirable. Hillary totally would have taken a salary.” Ummm— he’s not taking a salary- good for him. He’s just going to cost America more in secret service/guards/protection than any president in history due to the fact that his family is not embracing the White House and he is said himself that he does not want to be there “full time.” Yes kudos for not taking the salary. {Gosh I need that emoji again}
  4. “The stock market has already gone up since the day he was elected!” Yep. And so have gas prices.

 

Enjoy your pizza.

Sunshine in the rain 

In my grad class “Group Therapy” we talked many times about what we in the biz call “check-ins” (let me see I’ve longed for the chance to say we “in the biz”).

Check ins are simply that– checking in with your client. This is often done in the form of “go arounds”where the therapist (group leader) starts off and literally goes around the group

Here’s an example: “ok group- let’s do a check in using weather. I’ll start. Right now I am feeling partly cloudy”. Next person “it’s a sunny day”. Next person “thunderstorm rolling in”. You get the picture. By doing this, the therapist can gain insight into how group members are felling and also clients get to use very simple ways to express how they feel.

This week I have been cloudy. Thunderstorms at times, and I’m pretty sure an emotional tornado passed by me several times. There were a few times, I must say, when it raining while the sun was out.

Let me explain– in my mourning, heartache and pure devastation, there were rays of sunshine shining down on me. These rays are my friends and my acquaintances that chose to reach out to provide comfort when I needed it most. To each of you- and there are more than I can post– thank you. In my heartache you were there for me.

To protect their names and to not drag them into anything, I have tried my best to disguise who these “rays of sunshine” are. If they so choose to become public then that is perfectly fine, but it is their choice.

These rays of sunshine got me through this week. My friends cared about me. No matter what side of the political spectrum they were on- there was unity. They may have been delighted at the outcome but because I was hurting, they extended grace. Many were out of the blue and from “unusual suspects” 😉 But each of these words of kindness helped restore my faith in humanity. In a time when it would have been easy to gloat, they chose grace. When it would have been easy to celebrate, they chose to extend condolences.

From the bottom of my heart– I thank you. Now for a “check in”… I’m feeling partly sunny! 😊

A heartbreaking week 

This week has been nothing short of heartbreaking. I went to bed Monday night with an excitement I haven’t felt since I believed in Santa Clause. Honestly- I didn’t know if I COULD go to sleep.

“This is the last night I am going to sleep in a world where a female has never been President” I told myself as I drifted off to sleepy town with (undoubtedly) a smile on my face.

Tuesday morning I woke up PUMPED! I posted a meme where a lady has her hands in the air and the quote says “hallelujah! This is the final day of the election”. (Something to that affect). I was elated that THE day had finally arrived. I listened to “Fight Song” about 8 times and danced around my house. Literally danced. Elizabeth Banks posted a rendition of “Fight Song” that was acapella and was performed by HRC supporters. I could NOT have been more pumped. I felt pumped! I felt energized! I felt proud!

But we had a small problem… I had class at 6pm nearly an hour away. I had emailed and called my professor to protest holding class during such a monumental moment in our nation. We were about to shake up history and I didn’t want to miss a moment of it. Sure I knew it was going to be a “grand slam” win, but I didn’t want to miss a moment of blue being splattered over my tv screen. I never heard back from my professor so against my better judgement, I headed to class. When I was less than 10 minutes away, my buddy from class called to say she had sent us home to watch the election! Woot woot! Turned around, called the hubs to give him the good news, and began jamming! There it was again… “Brave” and “Fight Song” kept me going on the drive home. Tears were in my eyes and I began to (once again) try to soak in what HRC winning would mean to ME.

I came home, grabbed a slice of pizza and headed upstairs. To the best of my memory I remember seeing HRC at 90 votes and Trump at 30. Here we go! She was in it to win it and it was about to happen. In less than an hour I had already moved downstairs. I sat in the quiet and began to cry. I couldn’t fathom what was happening. How were reporters already talking about predictions of Trump to win states that are ALWAYS blue??

At 9:34 I gave up. I lost hope. I walked out into the garage and began too remove the “Women Can Stop Trump” sticker off my car. At 10:13 I got a text from my sister that contained a photo of her smiling from ear to ear with the caption “I love you BUT…” on it. (I love my sister. That’s how we roll. I would have done the same thing had the roles been reversed.  I’m not mad at her). I managed to stay awake til nearly 1:00 and I laid there and cried. I began to vent to my husband and bawl like a baby. He held me and heard me. While he didn’t vote for Trump, he also didn’t vote for HRC. BUT– this didn’t matter. He wanted to be there for ME.

I woke up several times throughout the night only to cry again. It wasn’t a dream. This was happening.

heartbreak.jpg

As dawn broke on Wednesday morning… so did my heart. I began to weep and feel things inside of me I have never felt before. I was heartbroken, devastated, angry, confused… it is still too fresh for me to describe accurately how I felt. I watched a bit more of the news and cried while I ate my oatmeal. My husband had to leave town and held me one last time. He left, I cried, and my phone began to blow up. (That’s another post yet to come).

I sat in silence as I waited for her speech. I cried when she walked out and smiled while she held back tears. Her words were so poised and eloquent… and above all, heartfelt. My heart broke for me, for her, for her many supporters (according to popular vote there were more HRC fans than Trump fans). My heart was shattered for what this meant for women, for minorities, for members of the LGBTQ community, and many others.

My heart is broken over this devastating loss. And for me (and many others) that’s exactly what it is!… a devastating loss. We will recover. We will move forward. I will support Trump through prayer. I will give him a chance. And I will continue to chip away at the “glass ceiling”.

A broken hearted Hillary supporter,

Roxy

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