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My letter to Donald Trump

Dear Mr. (almost) President,

I am writing you from the same place I sat on November 8th of 2016. The place where I sat in full faith that your opponent, Hillary Rodham Clinton, would be announced as the first female President elect. I have sat here in hope, in heartbreak, in rage, and now with determination.

You had quite the agenda when you began your race towards the White House. Because you crossed the finish line and won the prize, my agenda has become quite longer.

I did not vote you, as I am sure you have figured that out by now. I laughed at you [nearly] every step of the way. If I wasn’t laughing at you, I was disgusted by you. And insulted many times as well.

I am insulted by the way you spoke of women. [even if the words were from the past]

I am insulted by the way you spoke of minorities.

I am insulted by the way you mocked those with special needs.

I am insulted by the way you made a mockery of democracy, of our policies and procedures, and the way you handled yourself at the debate.

You insulted me many times over.

You do not stand for anything that I stand for. In fact, you are the complete opposite of a person I would want to know, hang around, or have any amount of respect for… yet somehow, you are my next President.

I {apparently} am a millennial. Not the type of millennial that you see on tv walking around rioting the outcome of the election, but a millennial nonetheless. I am so tired of the blanket statements that have been used to describe “us”. Guess what? I work, I am an educated person,I am currently in the process of earning my master’s degree,I take care of my family in the best way that I can without depending on a hand-out, and I do all of this while so passionately caring about the country I live and respecting the differences that we all hold.

I do not believe that you will do half of the things that you said you would while on the campaign trail. You have already recanted many of those things {abortion, health care, imprisoning HRC} and I suspect the list of “things” that got you elected will continue to disappear into thin air. I do not believe for one second that you thought you actually stood a chance of winning the Presidency… but here we are. You are now realizing that this job is “for real” and not a reality tv show, and we {the American people -those that voted for you and those who did not} are all watching as you wake up to the fact that you are our next President. I suspect you are in over your head and that you are now gravely aware of that fact. It doesn’t matter that I knew that all along…. what matters is that we are where we are.

I do not like you. Honestly- I don’t like anything about you. I think you are rude, crude, and I often refer to you as a pin-ball. You DO tend to bounce all over the place and change your stance and views based on where you are. This is not a game, unfortunately. You cannot turn the cameras off and go home. Here we are… Mr. (almost) President. Here we are.

It’s probably not nice that I say I don’t like you {Forgive me for being blunt} since I do not know you well. But, what I do know about you are the things that you have chosen to show the world. {I pray this is an act!} What you have chosen to show the American people (somehow) got you elected and that frightens me to my core. First impressions matter, Mr. Trump. Please remember that when you sit across the tables from leaders of countries from the around the world. Please think before you speak, breathe, count to 10 or whatever works for you to stay calm. I humbly ask you to listen to the advisers that know far more about policies and procedures that are in place than you could ever know. Seek out wise counsel. Find a mentor. And keep it cool. Please! If you speak to others the way you spoke to Hillary Clinton during the debates, then we are ALL in grave danger!

I don’t have a choice in the matter. The electoral college spoke and vetoed the majority of the American population. YOU are our next President. Please learn to be respectful, calm, and mindful of others. Keep in mind that we were not all born on a silver platter and drank out of a gold bottle. Some of us are just regular, middle-class, hard working individuals who love God, our families, and a good show on Netflix. We would like to continue enjoying life’s simple pleasures while resting assured that our Commander in Chief has America’s best interest at heart… no matter how deep and wide their pocketbooks are.

Do some research into Planned Parenthood and the good they provide to women all over America. Meet a Hispanic person who works hard, pays taxes, and is studying for their Citizenship test. Spend time with a group of strong, powerful, intelligent women who want to see women and minorities continue to fight adversity and become EQUALS. Visit rural communities across this nation and “get your hands dirty” while visiting individuals living in poverty and pain and have NOT been offered the same chances to advance that you were offered. And don’t visit that place by way of your private jet. Ride in a car. Feel the bumps in the road. See the poverty first hand. Spend some time learning how to be “regular.”

I will go. There’s nothing more to say, Mr. (Future) President. I wish you well. I will respect the position of POTUS as I believe it is a very admirable and respectable position to hold. I do not trust you, but I would love for you to change my mind. I fear your choices will cause anguish among so many people, but I pray you prove me wrong. Keep an open mind and try your hardest to see the “BIG PICTURE” if you would, please.

Heartbroken but hopeful,

Cara Roxanne Matthews

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Why IS my heart so broken?

I have spent all week trying to put into words why my heart is SO broken over this election. I may not have it ALL figured out, but I think now I can speak my mind at least to some degree.

 1. I personally LOVE Hillary.

Sure, she has made her fair share of mistakes. She deleted emails. And hear me say– that was WRONG. That couldn’t be more wrong. Not only did she delete them, but she KNEW better. It was kind of as if she was saying “the rules don’t apply to me.” I don’t like that. She knew better. She shouldn’t have done that. But let’s move on now… I have respect for her. She gave her adult life to making a difference. She made a difference while being the First Lady of Arkansas, she made a difference while being the First Lady of our country, and she made a difference as Secretary of State. Her accomplishments are endless. She has self-lessly (and probably at times self-ISH-ly) given of her time, her money, and her ability to make things happen. For that- my admiration is so strong.

2. The thought of a woman President made me giddy.

It’s time, y’all! It’s freaking time! We have had some amazing men run this country. Now I can say we have had men of different races run our country. What about a woman? It’s just time! It’s time to bring a female perspective to the way our country is ran. It is time to have a woman be in the highest position in this country. It IS time! I am proud to be a woman. I am proud of the differences I have because of having the nurturing, yet sometimes, emotional, traits that a woman possesses. I am STILL proud to be a woman, but America, it IS time for a woman to be President of the United States of America. I remember about 4 years ago when I told my daughter she could be anything she wanted to be. She went through a list of things: veterinarian, teacher, astronaut, and I replied yes to all of them. I looked at her and said “You could even be the President of the United States if you wanted to be.” She looked at me with her big eyes and said “I can’t do that mommy… that’s a man’s job.” I wanted to be able to tell her Wednesday that it had just happened- a woman had just been elected to run our country. And instead I had to explain how Donald Trump would [attempt] to run our country. I was ready to rewrite history. Don’t get me wrong- we are rewriting alright…just not in the way I had hoped.

Two years ago I posted a photo on my Facebook page. It was a photo of a bumper sticker had just gotten in the mail (from joining Emily’s List) and it said “A Woman’s Place is in the White House.” I was so proud of that! Someone I know well commented and said “No- a woman’s place is in the kitchen.” This was not said in gist. This same person replied to another similar photo this week where I had mentioned how I truly hoped in my lifetime I would see a female run our country. His response “I hope it’s not in mine.” This is yet another reason why I am so convinced that IT IS TIME for a female to run our country. These small minded, misogynous, attitudes have got to be put in their place!

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3. America IS great. (in my opinion)

We don’t need to make it great “again” as Trump so loudly and proudly proclaimed (while wearing a hate made from China, I might add). America IS great! We aren’t the best at everything we do. We are behind is health care and education (and probably more areas) but we ARE a great country. We don’t need to go back in time and make changes to send us back in time… we are great NOW.

4. Donald Trump is an embarrassment to human beings. (in my opinion)

Donald Trump is NOT a man of character. He is NOT a man of faith. He is NOT a man I would want around my child. He is NOT the type of person I want in my life… let alone the type of man I want running this country. He has offended men (by insinuating that all men talk the way he was speaking on that video), he has offended women by degrading and insulting us by speaking of women as if we are “sex objects”, he has offended special needs individuals, he has offended individuals of other races and orientations. He has blanketed Hispanics as being “rapists” and “murderers” and has chosen a running mate that believes in therapy that can be used to “fix” homosexuals. Y’all- I am embarrassed.

5. I believe in having an open mind and an open heart.

I believe with all of my heart that Jesus loves all of us. He loves those of us who are of different races, backgrounds, SES, religions and sexual orientations. I don’t believe that we have to “celebrate” all of these differences (parades, special days, etc) but we DO have to love them. For me, when a President shows discrimination against minority groups, he is NOT loving them and he is not being open minded to those that are different from him. I believe that making a choice for someone else is wrong.

There will be more.. but for now, this is what I can digest and ponder on. This has been such a hard week. I’m exhausted, and i’m pressing on. The mourning is starting to end and the fire has been lit. I don’t like what I see in our Nation. I can’t just sit back and say “I wish people knew {fill in the blank}”. I have to make SURE that they know! Hillary- your inspiration has been passed on to a generation of women who are fed up and fired up. This is OUR fight song!

With much inspiration, sincerity, and love,

Roxy

Sunshine in the rain 

In my grad class “Group Therapy” we talked many times about what we in the biz call “check-ins” (let me see I’ve longed for the chance to say we “in the biz”).

Check ins are simply that– checking in with your client. This is often done in the form of “go arounds”where the therapist (group leader) starts off and literally goes around the group

Here’s an example: “ok group- let’s do a check in using weather. I’ll start. Right now I am feeling partly cloudy”. Next person “it’s a sunny day”. Next person “thunderstorm rolling in”. You get the picture. By doing this, the therapist can gain insight into how group members are felling and also clients get to use very simple ways to express how they feel.

This week I have been cloudy. Thunderstorms at times, and I’m pretty sure an emotional tornado passed by me several times. There were a few times, I must say, when it raining while the sun was out.

Let me explain– in my mourning, heartache and pure devastation, there were rays of sunshine shining down on me. These rays are my friends and my acquaintances that chose to reach out to provide comfort when I needed it most. To each of you- and there are more than I can post– thank you. In my heartache you were there for me.

To protect their names and to not drag them into anything, I have tried my best to disguise who these “rays of sunshine” are. If they so choose to become public then that is perfectly fine, but it is their choice.

These rays of sunshine got me through this week. My friends cared about me. No matter what side of the political spectrum they were on- there was unity. They may have been delighted at the outcome but because I was hurting, they extended grace. Many were out of the blue and from “unusual suspects” 😉 But each of these words of kindness helped restore my faith in humanity. In a time when it would have been easy to gloat, they chose grace. When it would have been easy to celebrate, they chose to extend condolences.

From the bottom of my heart– I thank you. Now for a “check in”… I’m feeling partly sunny! 😊

A heartbreaking week 

This week has been nothing short of heartbreaking. I went to bed Monday night with an excitement I haven’t felt since I believed in Santa Clause. Honestly- I didn’t know if I COULD go to sleep.

“This is the last night I am going to sleep in a world where a female has never been President” I told myself as I drifted off to sleepy town with (undoubtedly) a smile on my face.

Tuesday morning I woke up PUMPED! I posted a meme where a lady has her hands in the air and the quote says “hallelujah! This is the final day of the election”. (Something to that affect). I was elated that THE day had finally arrived. I listened to “Fight Song” about 8 times and danced around my house. Literally danced. Elizabeth Banks posted a rendition of “Fight Song” that was acapella and was performed by HRC supporters. I could NOT have been more pumped. I felt pumped! I felt energized! I felt proud!

But we had a small problem… I had class at 6pm nearly an hour away. I had emailed and called my professor to protest holding class during such a monumental moment in our nation. We were about to shake up history and I didn’t want to miss a moment of it. Sure I knew it was going to be a “grand slam” win, but I didn’t want to miss a moment of blue being splattered over my tv screen. I never heard back from my professor so against my better judgement, I headed to class. When I was less than 10 minutes away, my buddy from class called to say she had sent us home to watch the election! Woot woot! Turned around, called the hubs to give him the good news, and began jamming! There it was again… “Brave” and “Fight Song” kept me going on the drive home. Tears were in my eyes and I began to (once again) try to soak in what HRC winning would mean to ME.

I came home, grabbed a slice of pizza and headed upstairs. To the best of my memory I remember seeing HRC at 90 votes and Trump at 30. Here we go! She was in it to win it and it was about to happen. In less than an hour I had already moved downstairs. I sat in the quiet and began to cry. I couldn’t fathom what was happening. How were reporters already talking about predictions of Trump to win states that are ALWAYS blue??

At 9:34 I gave up. I lost hope. I walked out into the garage and began too remove the “Women Can Stop Trump” sticker off my car. At 10:13 I got a text from my sister that contained a photo of her smiling from ear to ear with the caption “I love you BUT…” on it. (I love my sister. That’s how we roll. I would have done the same thing had the roles been reversed.  I’m not mad at her). I managed to stay awake til nearly 1:00 and I laid there and cried. I began to vent to my husband and bawl like a baby. He held me and heard me. While he didn’t vote for Trump, he also didn’t vote for HRC. BUT– this didn’t matter. He wanted to be there for ME.

I woke up several times throughout the night only to cry again. It wasn’t a dream. This was happening.

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As dawn broke on Wednesday morning… so did my heart. I began to weep and feel things inside of me I have never felt before. I was heartbroken, devastated, angry, confused… it is still too fresh for me to describe accurately how I felt. I watched a bit more of the news and cried while I ate my oatmeal. My husband had to leave town and held me one last time. He left, I cried, and my phone began to blow up. (That’s another post yet to come).

I sat in silence as I waited for her speech. I cried when she walked out and smiled while she held back tears. Her words were so poised and eloquent… and above all, heartfelt. My heart broke for me, for her, for her many supporters (according to popular vote there were more HRC fans than Trump fans). My heart was shattered for what this meant for women, for minorities, for members of the LGBTQ community, and many others.

My heart is broken over this devastating loss. And for me (and many others) that’s exactly what it is!… a devastating loss. We will recover. We will move forward. I will support Trump through prayer. I will give him a chance. And I will continue to chip away at the “glass ceiling”.

A broken hearted Hillary supporter,

Roxy

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